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Writer's pictureChristoffel Sneijders
Nov 275 min read

Surviving the Holidays: How to Overcome Stress and Embrace Joy Using the Power of Your 3 Brains

Updated: Nov 29



Discover how to navigate holiday stress, difficult family dynamics, and unexpected challenges with insights from the 3 Brains Theory. Learn practical strategies to foster flexibility, improve relationships, and find joy during the festive season and beyond.


Why Holiday Stress Happens—and What You Can Do About It?


The holiday season is often touted as "the most wonderful time of the year," but for many, it’s filled with stress rather than joy. The pressure to deliver the perfect holiday—from preparing lavish meals to managing complex family dynamics—can leave us feeling exhausted, frustrated, and far from festive.


So, how can we break this cycle and reclaim the joy of the season?

During a recent podcast discussion with Stacey Chillemi, I explored how understanding the 3 Brains Intelligence Theory—head, heart, and gut—can help us navigate holiday stress. Our conversation was a mix of practical advice, thought-provoking insights, and self-reflective questions designed to shift your mindset.

Here’s what I shared and how it might transform your holiday experience.



The Perfection Trap: Are You Setting Yourself Up for Stress?

When you think about the holidays, what comes to mind? Maybe it’s the image of a perfectly set dinner table, laughter filling the air, and everything running smoothly. It sounds idyllic, doesn’t it? But as I shared with Stacey, this vision often creates a hidden problem: impossible expectations.

“Most people imagine the holidays as flawless events,” I said. “But life doesn’t work that way. You can’t control the weather, the family dynamics, or even whether the turkey turns out perfectly.”


This perfection trap sets us up for disappointment. When reality inevitably falls short of our ideal, we feel stressed, resentful, or even defeated.


Reflection: Redefining Your Holiday Expectations

Take a moment to ask yourself:

  • What does my ideal holiday look like?

  • Which parts of that vision are within my control?

  • How can I let go of the things I can’t control?

For example, if your ideal Thanksgiving includes everyone getting along, acknowledge that you can’t control other people’s behavior. Instead, focus on what you can influence: creating a warm environment, setting boundaries, and responding calmly to challenges.


The Rainstorm in Paradise: A Lesson in Flexibility

To illustrate the importance of adjusting expectations, I shared a story from a trip I took years ago. I had planned a week of snorkeling and diving in Bonaire, imagining crystal-clear waters and sunny skies. But by day two, a tropical storm hit—a storm so rare it hadn’t happened in 60 years.

The resort was flooded, the beaches were closed, and my carefully planned vacation seemed ruined. As you could see in the main picture LOL

But instead of letting frustration take over, I decided to adapt. I helped the resort staff dig trenches to manage the flooding, shared meals with other people who helped digging the trenches, and found joy in unexpected connections.

It turned out to be one of the most memorable trips of my life—not because it went as planned, but because I learned to embrace the unexpected.


Reflection: How Flexible Are You?

Ask yourself:

  • How do I typically react when things don’t go as planned?

  • What strategies can I use to stay flexible during the holidays?

Try this: Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong, ask, What’s the opportunity here? Whether it’s bad weather or a burnt dish, there’s always a way to pivot and find joy in the moment.


Understanding the 3 Brains: Head, Heart, and Gut

One of the keys to navigating holiday stress is understanding how your 3 Brains—head, heart, and gut—shape your reactions. Each brain has its strengths and tendencies:

  • Head-brain dominant individuals thrive on logic, structure, and planning. They feel most comfortable when everything is organized. When plans go awry, they may struggle to adapt.

  • Heart-brain dominant people prioritize connection and emotional harmony. They’re happiest when surrounded by loved ones but can feel drained if relationships are strained.

  • Gut-brain dominant individuals are driven by instinct and the need for control. They seek excitement and thrive on big experiences but may resist compromise.

Knowing which brain drives you—and those around you—can help you navigate challenges more effectively.


Reflection: Which Brain Leads You?

Take a moment to consider:

  • Am I head, heart, or gut-brain dominant?

  • How does this influence my holiday expectations and reactions?

  • How can I balance all three brains to approach the season with clarity and joy?

For example, if you’re head-brain dominant, you might focus on creating a detailed holiday plan but also build in flexibility for when things don’t go as expected.


Navigating Family Dynamics: The Art of Boundaries

Family gatherings are a hallmark of the holidays—but they’re also one of the biggest sources of stress. Whether it’s an opinionated relative or lingering tension from past conflicts, these moments can test even the most patient among us.

The solution? Setting boundaries with kindness.

For example, when faced with a particularly opinionated family member, I like to ask, “What would you like to know about me?” This simple question disarms them and often leads to a more thoughtful conversation—or, in some cases, ends the discussion entirely.


Reflection: Setting Boundaries

Consider these questions:

  • What boundaries do I need to set this holiday season?

  • How can I communicate them in a way that’s firm but respectful?

  • What’s my plan for handling difficult conversations?

Setting boundaries doesn’t have to mean confrontation. Sometimes, it’s as simple as redirecting the conversation or excusing yourself gracefully.


Plan B: Preparing for the Unexpected

As much as we’d like everything to go perfectly, the reality is that things will go wrong. Flights get delayed, recipes fail, and family gatherings can be unpredictable. That’s why having a Plan B is essential.

Ask yourself:

  • What’s my backup plan if things don’t go as expected?

  • How can I ensure joy and connection regardless of the circumstances?

For example, if bad weather derails your travel plans, focus on creating a cozy celebration at home. If family tensions arise, have an activity or topic ready to redirect the energy.


Reclaiming the Joy of the Holidays

At the heart of it all is this simple truth: the holidays don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. By understanding your 3 Brains, setting realistic expectations, and focusing on connection over control, you can create a holiday season that’s both joyful and authentic.

As you head into this holiday season, pause and reflect:

  • What truly matters to me?

  • How can I align my actions with my values and priorities?

  • What small changes can I make to create more joy and less stress?

Remember, the most memorable holidays are rarely the perfect ones—they’re the ones where we embrace imperfection, connect with others, and find joy in the moment.

If you’re curious to dive deeper into these strategies and hear more stories, listen to the full podcast episode here.



Key Chapters You Shouldn’t Miss

If you’re short on time, here are some chapters to focus on:

  • 00:00 - Holiday Stress Management Tips

  • 17:33 - Agreeing and Acknowledging Strategies

  • 31:37 - Navigating Family Gatherings Smoothly

  • 41:50 - Effective Communication Techniques

  • 53:50 - Understanding Brain Dominance Dynamics

  • 01:07:40 - Enhancing Relationship Engagement Skills

Each chapter is packed with actionable insights to help you reduce stress and create a more joyful holiday experience.


It might just change how you experience not only the holidays but life itself.


Ready to Dive Deeper into Understanding Yourself and Others?

The holidays often magnify the challenges we face in relationships, whether with family, colleagues, or even ourselves. If this article resonated with you and you’re ready to master the art of aligning your Head, Heart, and Gut brains to create more meaningful connections and reduce stress, here’s your next step:


👉 Explore the 3 Brains Coach Training – Become a certified coach and learn to unlock the full potential of the 3 Brains Theory to help others (and yourself!) thrive in personal and professional relationships.


📖 Grab Your Copy of Relationships: Which Brain Is Talking? – Discover how understanding the dominance of your Head, Heart, or Gut brain can transform the way you communicate, connect, and love.


Don’t just survive the holidays—thrive all year round. Take action today to build stronger relationships and a more harmonious life!


Enjoy Christoffel

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